The Princess Bride

It's Hurshy's fault. She had to have the Dread Pirate Roberts icon for Babble the other day, and just tonight started me quoting lines from the movie. We either entertained the other Babblers or bored them to tears, I'm not sure which, but it certainly was fun! With that in mind, here are my favorite quotes from the movie "The Princess Bride." (Thanks to this site.)

Grandfather: I brought you a special present.
Kid: [excitedly] What is it?
Grandfather: Open it up.
Kid: [opening the gift] A book?
Grandfather: That's right, when I was your age, television was called books; and this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick and I used to read it to your father...and today, I'm gonna read it to you.
Kid: [less interested] Does it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
Kid: It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you very much. That's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Narrator: That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

Inigo: Vizzini, he can...fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss...fuss...I think he likes to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably he means no...harm.
Fezzik: He's very, very short on...charm.
Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: [overhearing Fezzik] Enough of that!
Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

Vizzini: [in disbelief] What?! [now, spying a ship in the distance] Probably...some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night...through eel infested waters.

Inigo: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Man in black: [revealing his five fingers] Do you always begin conversations this way?

Inigo: I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing; so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say 'Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'

Inigo: You are wonderful!
Man in black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in black: And what is that?
Inigo: [switching hands] I am not left-handed!

Vizzini: Finish him! Finish him...your way...
Fezzik: Oh good. My way. Thank you Vizzini. Which way's my way?
Vizzini: [irritated] Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, and in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his HEAD is in view hit it with the rock!
Fezzik: [to himself] My way is not very sportsman-like.

Buttercup: On the the high-seas your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners!
Man in black: I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft people begin to disobey him and its nothing but work, work, work all the time.

Wesley: Aha! Your pig fiancé is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire-swamp.
Buttercup: [worried] We'll never survive.
Wesley: [confident] Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Narrator: It was ten days 'till the wedding. The king still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were becoming steadily worse.
Kid: See? Didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck.
Narrator: Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.

Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Max: The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed! [Max closes a flap over the door hole, but Inigo still knocks] Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the brute squad.
Max: You are the brute squad!

Valerie: Bye bye, boys!
Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [to Max] Think it will work?
Max: It would take a miracle.
Max and Valerie: [waving] Buh-bye!

Clergyman: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam...

King: [Buttercup kisses him on the forehead] What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
King: [happily] Won't that be nice...she kissed me! [He giggles]

Humperdinck: To the death!
Wesley: [slowly sitting up] No! To the pain!
Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase?
Wesley: I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand. You warthog-faced-buffoon!
Humperdinck: [insulted] That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Wesley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.
Humperdinck: Then my tongue, I suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Wesley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!
Humperdinck: And then my ears...I understand! Let's get on with it!
Wesley: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, 'dear god what is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Narrator: Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. THE END.

Kid: Grandpa. Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandfather: As you wish.